My Short Story The Patches

For this piece of writing I have focusing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to: I can use my growing wide range of academic and content-specific vocabulary to understand texts.

• use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
• use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (e.g semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8)

The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal

My Story....
This is a story about a person named peanut that is 13 years old. He lives in a candy house with his Mum Coco who is 43, his Dad jelly bean that is 45 and his brother Sour who is 15 (he is a SOUR teenager) They are the Patch family.  They live in Lollipop city on Sour loops Lane; They are in a candy world where nearly everything is made of candy.

One day. Peanut decided to leave his candy house and go to the gummy bears concert.  So he went at 9:00pm and took the local minty express bus. It cost him 200 milk bottles to get there but it was worth it. He arrived at the Wobbly jelly stadium where the gummy bears were performing at 10:00pm he left an hour early because it took him 45 mints to get there.

He stayed at the concert for like forever but it went really quickly for him because he was having so much fun; but he was still guilty that his parents would not know where he was. And on top of that he was only 13 so his parents would be even more scared about him. He stayed there until about 11:00 which is when he takes the bus home alone and again 200 milk bottles down the drain, the gummy drop drain.

When he gets home he runs in and sees his Mum crying on the couch (as Peanuts Dad was at a movies with his friends and Sour was up stairs on his phone) because she saw the note Peanut had wrote earlier that said how much he hated his brother Sour because he was mean to Peanut.

Coco was devastated because she always thought that they got along so well. And she suddenly stops crying and shouts “Peanut why are you so late from home!” (new paragraph) “I'm sorry Mum I went to see the gummy bears play at the wobbly jelly stadium” said Peanut disappointed. His Mum stormed up to her Jet plane room.

Peanut went to bed and ate some of his walls for dinner. And then went to his Pineapple lump made bed. With his gummy teddy he has kept from when he was 3 when his Granddad Chocolate died and Peanuts Grandma; Jaffa gave him his gummy teddy because he was very sad.

In the morning Peanut, Grandma Jaffa and his brother went to a movie on their own they went to see candy land in 3D, Peanut loves movies in 3D. But before they went in Peanut went to get Popcorn for the movie. Then they went in the movie and loved it. Peanut and Sour were having a massive fight of how they hated each other. But in the middle of the move they had to quickly evacuate the building because one of the sushi shop was on fire and it was spreading as fast as a race car.

Peanut ran out with Sour and Grandma Jaffa but Grandma Jaffa tripped and Sour went in the fire to go and save her she got up and ran towards Peanut, they ran out of the mall and got in the car. They realized that Sour wasn't following anymore and that he must have died in the fire because now the whole mall was on fire! They were very upset but they had to keep on going so they were safe as well.

They went all the way home. Then Peanut knew that his last word to him was I DON’T LIKE YOU SOUR YOUR SO MEAN he was crying just by the thought, meanwhile Grandma Jaffa was dead…by the thought of him dieing trying to save Grandma Jaffa. They got home and Mum was already crying because she knew what had happened because it was on the news; and she was the most upset Peanut had ever seen her. Peanuts Dad was upstairs maybe crying too. But Peanut couldn't picture it because he had NEVER cried in front of Peanut or Sour.

2 weeks later...now they are sort of used to Sour not being around anymore, but it IS hard for the family. They carry on in life and hope for the best of Sours life in candy heaven. They have so much fun at the new golf park they go to every Saturday now, after Soccer for Peanut and his team. They buy a farm and have lots of animals which they have found a new love for, farming and stuff like that, because they are all animal lovers. They all live happily ever after and eat off their old house!

THE END